It's about 1:30 a.m. on Friday and for some reason my brain won't stop working and my first impulse is to write. It's been a long time past since I took the time to really step back and reflect on my life the past few months, never mind put it down into words. The soothing melodies of Oren Lavie accompany me as I write this and I feel a great sense of ease after an emotional day.
The Van Farrier Tribute Concert was a great success, needless to say. It was incredible to see students, parents, faculty and friends gather for such an important celebration of the life and legacy Van left. As I practiced my song before the actual concert itself, I broke down. This song "A Change in Me" resonates so deeply with me. Van pushed me to shine with this song and encouraged me to just go for it. As I go through old e-mails between the two of us during the time of Beauty in the Beast (two years ago this past March) his words really helped me to believe in myself. His words read, "Please continue to trust me (and Ms. Rowe-Beddoe) because we sincerely believe in you." Sometimes, when I doubt myself I just have to remember that he really did believe in me and what I am capable of doing. Tonight was bittersweet. Being students of Van's, we knew we should honor his hard work and time spent doing these shows year after year. No matter how challenging the show, or how pressed we were for time--somehow, Van helped us pull it together. Just as Van pulled all of it together, so did we with this one rehearsal process. That in itself would have put such a smile on Van's face. I can see it when I close my eyes.
Being home in Western Mass makes me never want to return to Philadelphia. I love it there, but there's really nothing like being home with some of the most genuine people I have ever met. Especially after the night I've had and seeing some faces I haven't seen in oh so long--I just want more time home to catch up. I dread the return back. Home to an empty house, bills, and long commutes. It's a whole different lifestyle living in Philadelphia. Obviously it deems more independent and requires a whole hell of a lot more than when I'm home. But being twenty, I find myself reaching for my youth again. My youth seems so far in the past now but I know that I'm taking care of business...all I have to do now is find a job in this awful economy. Pffft!
No comments:
Post a Comment